how to be unforgettable at work

I’ve learned how to socialize in polite society from a variety of sources. One, following other people’s lead; and two, the Vault Guide to Schmoozing. Neither of them was fully satisfactory for me, so I’ve come up with my own way to “schmooze,” talk up people, or make casual conversation that could possibly lead to exchanging business cards, budding friendship, or more. I find that asking people questions about their lives makes them start talking about themselves—often their favorite topic. Act interested, and they will usually automatically like you.
Over the years I’ve refined my approach or found different strategies. With older (but still relatively young, like 25-35 year old) women, I look at their ring finger and see if they are wearing an engagement ring, I comment and ask how the fiancé proposed, what he’s like, how they met, when the wedding will be…you get the idea. Conversation gold mine. Engaged women love talking about that jazz.
If the woman has a wedding band as well, you can still talk them up by asking about their wedding, their husbands, if they have children, etc.

On my first day at work, next to me sat a Singaporean woman who seemed young and fun. I saw that she wore wedding and engagement rings. Going off a hunch, I asked, “Did you get married recently?”

“Why yes!” she exclaimed.

“I’ve never seen rings like that before, they’re beautiful.”

“Well, Wayne designed them himself, and when he—”

Instant friendship.

Because this tactic worked so well that morning, I thought I might try it at my “welcome lunch.” I noticed that Beth, one of the senior members of the department (see “How to impress on your first day at work”), was wearing a very large, very prominent, very sparkly diamond on her ring finger. After they had me introduce myself and Beth asked me more questions about myself, I said, “Well, I have a question, Beth.”

“Sure,” she said.

“Did you get engaged recently?”

Everyone at the table burst out laughing. Beth blushed.

I was confused, and a little embarrassed. “Well, you’re wearing an engagement ring, so I just thought…maybe…” I trailed off.

“Actually, I’m married,” she said, holding up her right hand. She was wearing a silver band on the ring finger on her right hand. The other people kept laughing.
“You think he would give me a ring like this and not marry me?” Beth started chuckling too.

I had no idea what to say.

*I found out later that there were other people in the office who wore wedding bands on their right hand instead of their left. I don’t know if it’s a foreign thing or a more-comfortable thing. Maybe a mix of both? These crazy people in Hong Kong wearing rings on the wrong hand, making me look bad!

“Tell her who your husband is!” someone interjected. More laughter. What could they all be laughing about, I wondered.

Beth was obviously a little embarrassed. “Well, my husband is Chris,” she said finally.

Chris? The regional team director and head of the department? Everybody’s boss? The big boss? The one ultimately in charge? Now it dawned on me why our team thought it was so funny.

By now, some more food had arrived at our table. People started helping themselves from the lazy susan, which took the edge off. The attention was no longer entirely focused on Beth and me. Maybe it would have been awkward to completely change the subject abruptly, though, I thought. Maybe I could salvage this by easing into a slightly different topic with a follow-up question.

“So did you two meet at work?” I asked.

“Sort of,” she replied. This set off another small round of laughter. “We met when we were both working at another company. He transferred here, and a little while later I came here too.”

“So he gave you a job,” I quipped immediately.

A collective “Ooooh” arose from the table. (The kind in which everyone recognizes the object of attention is getting roasted and waits for a response.)

*Look, I know what you’re thinking. How could I have said that?! Didn’t I have any sense of self-preservation?
Sometimes you know what the right comeback is and you see an opportunity and timing is everything in repartee so you just go for it. I guess this was one of those moments. I guess I should also have waited until I knew my colleagues and supervisors better before going for those moments. Because you can’t take them back.

Fortunately Beth was good-humored and took it in stride—she even laughed!
It turned out that she, like me, will sometimes make comments that make people wonder whether she is really joking or not.

So the welcome lunch kind of started my tenure at work with a bang. In some ways this can be a good thing. We’ll see how much my colleagues appreciate my unique way of saying things, and we’ll see how much restraint I can exercise while on the clock.