But I never thought that you would take it this far
But what do I know
(Flashing lights)
What do I know
-Kanye West
Long series of unfortunate events that are more or less benign, but pose great challenges often combined with humiliation, have dogged my steps since sentience.
*Interestingly enough, sentience is defined as "the ability to experience suffering" on Wikipedia.
Case in point: my struggle to avoid homelessness on the mean streets of Asia.
It all started with one such event that exemplifies the piteous overthrows of which I write.
I had the fortune of knowing a few friends my age who were Hong Kong natives, one of whom had graciously invited me to stay in her house upon my arrival. I accepted and was extremely grateful and pleased, which I endeavored to show with utmost gratitude (see "How to give a gift in Hong Kong").
Before arriving, I exchanged a few emails with my friend and her mother.
From: me
To: friend
Subject: hi Friend!
hey Friend, i hope your flight home was good and you are enjoying your stay at home! and did packing turn out ok? when do you leave for __? are you going to travel or do you have any plans before __?
[blahblahblah small talk blah]
anyway, i just also wanted to check in with you because i am flying to HK the week after commencement and the weekend of june 5-7. i was wondering how i should make plans to meet up with you, Friend 2, or other mutual friends in HK, and also where you are staying, and if you would still be willing to sublet your apartment to me, or if i should try to find other housing options. Thank you very much for helping me so far, and i hope to talk to you real soon!
<3>
From: Friend's mom
To: me
CC: Friend
Subject: Re: hi Friend!
Hello Vivien,
I am Friend's mom and I would like to help you with accomodations in Hong Kong. Serviced apartments are usually where people stay short-term but they are not inexpensive. A nice studio could cost US$ 1200 - 1600 a month. You would have freedom, and service in that the sheets are changed, room is tidied and supplied. If you are looking at subleases, there are advertisements and it depends what area and size you want. Take a look at the classfieds in HK magazine, a good source of what's happening locally. Friend & I can help research these places for you before you come.
Then, there is our home. Friend will be gone from June - August, and you could use her room. There will be me, Friend's dad and her younger sister living at the apartment. We are out in Semi-Far Location, and if your work is in the Central area, our home is a bit out of the way. An active social life may be better supported by a location in town. We will be on holiday away from HK from July 5 to ~ July 26.
If you can give me some basic information -- the length of you HK stay, any budget, the place of work, I can give you some more input. If you find anything that is interesting in HK Magazine, let me know.
Mrs. Friend's Mom
So far so good, right? Thank my lucky stars! My good karma was finally coming around. Of course, I did not want to be an imposition in any case. So after I had started my job and gotten my bearings, I did some research about "hostels in Hong Kong" (by which I really mean, I was unwittingly subjecting myself to a vortex of Edvard Munch's The Scream personified).
But because I am so considerate that I did not want any "adults" to worry about me, I sent Mrs. Friend's Mom the following email.
From: me
To: Mrs. Friend's Mom
Subject: friend arrived
Hi Mrs. Friend's Mom,
I just got word from my friend this morning that she arrived in Hong Kong today and is in a hotel for the next few days. (TRUTH) I am going to stay with her for the next two nights and we will try to work out some accommodations. (LIE)
My suitcase is still in your flat and I will be sure to retrieve it. I just want to say again, thank you so much for letting me stay in your flat. I have really enjoyed meeting your family and friends. They are all very friendly, helpful, and nice people. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you, Gabriella, or Danielle. In any case, I will see you and Gabbi soon. I definitely would like to see the Touristy Area Near Your Place, perhaps this weekend. My mobile number is ####-####. Friend gave me the phone numbers of your home line and mobile. If something comes up don't hesitate to get in touch. Talk to you soon!
Regards, Vivien
Let's step back for a moment. Do I not make it clear that I am moving out soon? Check. Do I not make it clear that I am very grateful? Check.
Then, after the first night of experiencing The Scream in 3D, I got this email:
From: Mrs. Friend's Mom
To: me
Subject: re: friend arrived
Dear Vivien,
Have you managed to find accomodation with your friend? The last couple of days, my menopausal symptoms came to the fore, and I am feeling exceptionally tired and uncomfortable. With this physical condition and without Friend here, I feel it's an added responsibility having you stay with us. Therefore unfortunately, I will have to encourage you to find alternative housing. Let me know if I can help in any way.
In the coming weeks, I am sure you will get to know Hong Kong better. We will be interested in your progress. I hope you will keep in touch. (From July 5, we will be away on holiday fro 3 weeks.) Speaking for Friend and myself, we are happy to have been able to help you out in your first week in Hong Kong.
Mrs. Friend's Mom
OK...so, it was dutifully friendly enough in tone, but it struck me as somewhat strange that she had to make it sound as if I had not made it clear I was already leaving, when in fact, I had. As a GAW in her early 20's, I cannot say I know what menopause feels like, but that email was kind of like excessively letting the door hit me on the way out.
And the rest is history. Red light districts, ungodly bathrooms, kiwis, Kit-Kat bars. But because I am so considerate that I often will reach out to people just to see how they're doing, I sent the following email.
From: me
To: Mrs. Friend's Mom
Subject: how was your holiday?
Dear Mrs. Friend's Mom,
I just wanted to write to say hello and see how you and your family are doing. How was your trip to France? Did you visit many of the different arrondissements?
Regards,
Vivien
From: Mrs. Friend's Mom
To: me
Subject: re: how was your holiday?
We had a great time, we were based in Poitiers, halfway between Paris and Bordeaux and we avoided Paris entirely. We toured less well-known places in France, e.g. Cognac, Poitou Atlantic coast, and the chateaux in Touraine.
Right now, Friend's grandfather is in the hospital with severe pneumonia and in a very precarious state, so I cannot meet you. We are spending the days at the bedside in the hospital.
Mrs. Friend's Mom
OK...I am sorry about the grandfather, having experienced losses of elderly family members myself. But let's step back for a moment. Did I ever once mention in my email that I wanted to meet up with her? No. Did I ever ask for anything from her, other than news of her well-being? No.
Mrs. Friend's Mom, why do you love to act as if I am an ungrateful guest overstaying her welcome imposing on your time and resources, when I actually was as unobtrusive and appreciative as possible?
Nevertheless, because I am so considerate, I replied:
From: me
To: Mrs. Friend's Mom
Subject: re: how was your holiday
Dear Mrs. Friend's Mom,
Sorry for the miscommunication, I was merely emailing to see how your trip went and that you arrived back safely. I am glad you had the opportunity to travel and enjoy France. But I am very sorry to hear about Friend's grandfather, and I pray for his health and your family.
Best wishes,
Vivien
So far, no more word from Mrs. Friend's Mom. I have talked to Friend, just about her summer. But I didn't bring up any of this, since I didn't want to be a downer.
Somebody please slap me if I am ever like this when I reach menopause.
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