america's next top DB

DB = dumb bitch

 

Last night I dragged the lawn chair in front of the TV and leaned back to take in the premiere of America's Next Top Model: Cycle 10 Episode 1, Top Model Prep; or as I like to call it, Selecting the DB's Who Will Embarass Themselves Enough to Raise the TV Ratings of a Has-Been Model Turned Oprah Wannabe.

 

Predictably enough, there were awkward white hicksville types, one Ivy League type, hood black types clashing with trailer trash types, hood black types clashing with intellectual black types, and no Asian types.

 

Two things I found amusing enough to blog:

 

One contestant, Fatima, was from Somalia. She actually is pretty, so too bad her hair is orange. Hopefully for her sake they will upgrade that during the requisite makeover episode. Anyway, she's from Somalia and during the kiss-and-cry interview panel she revealed that she had undergone female circumcision as a pre-teen and one of her motivations for modeling is to campaign against FGM (female genital mutilation, for you non-UNICEF types).

 

Afterwards, she went back to the waiting room with the other contestants and admitted her FGM-ness to them too. More kiss-and-cry followed. Then, one of the other girls, Marvita (straight from the hood and up to no good), bluntly asked her, "So, do you feel like less of a woman because of it?"

 

[Tires screeching sfx]

 

Whooooooo says that?!

 

I'm all about gettin' real--you know nobody knows real better than wux--but come on, somebody is crying about the trauma of having had her clit cut off and her labia sewn together as a pre-pubescent girl, and you ask her, "Do you feel like less of a woman now because you can't enjoy sex and went through a painful invasive operation on your vag?"

 

Unfortunately for Marvita (and us?), Fatima did not answer the question.

 

The other incident that made me actually get up from my lawn chair to write down on my list of "Things to Blog About":

 

One contestant who had recently given birth came to the interview panel and said that she was still breast-feeding her baby when she left for the competition. That in itself is not remarkable--there have been many new hot mamas on the show who lost their post-partum flab in a hurry. BUT, this biddie said she said she actually was still milking herself, while in the competition, because she wants to pick right back up where she left off when she leaves the contest.

 

That begged the question. "So, what are you doing with all the milk...?" Tyra asked.

 

"Actually, right now, I'm drinking it."

 

[Tires screeching sfx]

 

"So, what does it taste like...?" Tyra asked

 

"Actually, it tastes a little bit like soymilk."

 

Thank God Ty-Ty kept all those three DB's for the real competition to mix it up. Marvita is looking kind of busted, so I know they only kept her for her loose-cannon house-drama value. Can these DB's out-DB themselves, can the Jays continue to think of absurd challenges not related at all to modeling, and how many more times can Bankable promise to deliver "the most dramatic elimination yet" before the jig is up?

 

I don't know, but I am stocking my mini-fridge with more beers to go with my lawn chair and I'm ready to get my ANTM reality fix on.