Why? you ask. Why would any warm-blooded human being aged 43 be a virgin?
Well, he was just so harmless and inexperienced at life. Of course I didn't straight-up ask him if he had ever been laid. But consider the supporting evidence. He was an unmarried Chinese man. He didn't really drink and he definitely didn't know how to party. I found that out when we met for coffee...which turned into dinner...which was like five straight hours of hanging out together.
Over coffee and much of dinner, we mostly talked about Taiwanese politics and ethics, health care and social equity. We chatted freely about many things--including his social life, and differences between dating culture in America and Asia, and how he felt uncomfortable flirting with women sometimes, how his parents had tried to set him up many times before in China, and how he didn't go out to bars or clubs much, and how he hadn't even tried most types of hard liquor.
Then, sometime around 9PM, I started feeling a little talked out. I was a bit tired and couldn't think of any more Supreme Court precendents to have profound discussions about. I was also getting the feeling that Dr. Lawyer's social growth had definitely been retarded when he was younger and it wasn't my responsibility to get him up to speed. In other words, I didn't want to play the Paul Rudd to his Steve Carell.
"Well, it's getting late, I have plans to meet people later," I fibbed. "Shall we?" I started taking out my wallet and fingering bills so that he would get the message.
I walked home shortly after settling the bill. I turned on the TV for some white noise as I started doing hair and makeup. I figured that I might as well get ready to go out, and try calling some people to see if they wanted to go out, if I had already said I was going to go out.
Then my phone rang, not 20 minutes after leaving dinner. It was Dr. 1965. "Hi Vivien, did you get home already?"
"Well...yes," I said. "Is something wrong? Did you go home already?"
"No, I'm still in Central. I was just wondering, are you doing anything right now?"
"Well...I was just resting at home...oh and I'm going to go out with some friends later."
"Do you want to go to a bar right now?"
"What?"
"Well, you said I should try to go out more...maybe we could have drinks? You said you are not doing anything right now."
"Well...okay," I agreed with some slight hesitation. I felt bad saying no, since I did encourage him to experience more nightlife, and I am generally very agreeable once I get a drink in my hand.
I put on a party dress, touched up my eyeshadow, grabbed a clutch, and headed out to Lan Kwai Fong.
I brought 1965er to one of the rooftop bars for a nice view and overpriced drinks. If he was a corporate lawyer who never went out, he ought to be able to afford it. Since he didn't offer to pay for coffee or dinner, and then troubled me to go out, I gambled that he would offer to pay, which he did.
I got a whiskey ginger (my new signature drink, vodka tonic is so 2007) and showed him the outdoor balcony with the nice view.
"Wow, it is so great" 1965 exclaimed.
"So, I take it you've never been to a rooftop bar."
"No, first time."
There's a first time for everything. Even when you are 43 years old.
Somehow, we got to talking about more deep and profound geopoliticalmoral topics, yet again. Looking back on it now, I am amazed that we had talked about that shit for so many hours.
A little after midnight, though, when parties really get started in most legit clubs, I started feeling a little restless with 1965 and decided to go hang out with people my own age for a change. I sent a few text bombs as I nodded along to whatever 1965 was saying. But it turned out that my friends had bailed on clubbing. So I couldn't use that excuse. But there is always pleading tiredness, which I was sure 1965 could understand. I excused myself semi-apologetically, hailed him a cab, and sent him home; then turned around and walked back to my flat.
About 15 minutes later, as I got ready to pass out, I heard my phone ringing. Dr. 1965, again?!
"Hello?" I said.
"Hi, Vivien, did you get home ok?"
"Yes, I'm about to go to sleep, I take it you got home already?"
"Yes, I did. I was just calling because I felt bad, I should have gotten cab for you, I didn't know what was going on. I thought maybe you wanted to get rid of me? But it occurred to me that I should have first made sure you got home ok."
"Oh...ha ha ha," I polite-chuckled. "No, not at all. It's ok. Don't worry about it. I can take care of myself. Have a good night."
"Uh..ok. Good night."
Of course it was true, someone that much older should definitely have known better. But this was probably only his third time ever going out. You have to make room for these people with limited social intelligence.
The next day, I opened my email and received the following email from 1965.
From: 1965
To: me
Subject: meeting again
欣儒:
你好! 昨天我們一起聊了很久，我很開心。
你這年輕就讀了那多書，真的了不起。我相信你將來一定會很有成就。
你也很漂亮和性感，跟你一起到酒巴，我很高興。
後天是公共假日，你有時間一起吃飯或者喝咖啡嗎？
-Dr. Lawyer
I read through the email and I could pick out maybe half of the characters and guess 25% but the rest was a mystery. Basically he was asking to meet again...that much I could tell, as well as from the apt subject line. I didn't know if I wanted to keep playing the Paul Rudd to his Steve Carell though. I went on to answer other emails and tried to not think about it for the time being.
But a little while later, I went back to the email. I recognized the characters for "pretty" (piao liang) and "I was very happy" in the penultimate sentence of the email. I didn't know the rest of the sentence though.
Enter Google Translator. I copied and pasted the sentence into the text box and clicked "translate."
What I saw there on my screen will be forever emblazoned into my memory.
To say I was horrified is an understatement. I felt unsettled for the rest of the day. But the skeptic in me said, sometimes things are lost in translation. Maybe Google Translator was a little off. I decided to consult the dictionary.
Shit. Maybe this dictionary was not the best one. Collins Dictionary sounded kind of bootleg. I should consult the web Chinese dictionary standard: http://www.zhongwen.com/, beloved by Chinese language students everywhere.
Shit.
I ran it by one of my colleagues from mainland China. The news there was equally grim.
Not so innocuous after all, I had to admit. After this, I didn't see him again (he was on his way out of Hong Kong anyway to accept a position with a new firm in the States). I can't understand how or why he thought it was appropriate to say something so bold. All I know is, he ruined something that was a decent acquaintance-turning-into-friendship, and I have seriously re-evaluated age limits now.
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