Emily the threat

In case you have been living under a rock for the past 3 years, Emily is a USA Olympic foil fencer and, according to reputable sources, won the Junior World Championships. Twice. Sports Illustrated says she is "a medal threat."

One time we went to the gym together and she liked my Jock Jams mix CD.

I have not once seen her fence, but now I am flying halfway across the world, paying exorbitant bribes, fighting tooth and nail, and clawing through hordes of Chinese peasants to watch her compete.

I know absolutely nothing about fencing, so I googled "Emily Cross" to find out more about my friend and surrogate blockmate. I came across a gem from the Harvard Magazine. You have to love the propaganda machine that is Old Ivy's public relations office.

For a good time, read http://harvardmagazine.com/2006/01/wild-on-the-strip.html

To save you the trouble of finding out for yourself, I give you the Reader's Digest version of the article about Emily Cross. (the Director's cut. Redux.)

To see her...strip is to witness...terrifying release.... thrusts spring from a wild animal...

shocking...escalating...climax. Ear-piercing shriek...

Emily Cross drops to her knees. [I wonder why]

...long annals...the size of the weapon...2 meters wide...siblings.

That is all you need to know.

Emily Cross. Olympian, Cabotian, friend, lover, medal contender, sado-masochist, sex fiend.

But seriously, she is a very talented, tremendous person and we are all very proud of and excited for her.

My only hope is that I make it to the Olympics alive. Because my life is a running series of outtakes. Stay tuned.